As much of a wordsmith that I like to believe I am, something that really puts me at a loss of words are situations with unwanted verbal advances. In popular culture this is called “Thirst” or “Thirsty”. I’ll use it in a sentence, “This man the other day was so gross. He started hitting on me and asked if I’ve ever had chocolate before! People are so thirsty now-a-days!” Thirst is just someone who is relentless with their flirtation, to the point it becomes offensive.
That situation actually happened to me the other day. I was at work and a man came up to me, complimented my eyes and proceeded with his dirty pickup line “you ever had chocolate before, girl?”. Now before I get into this, I just want to have a moment of silence for the death of my sanity because I will never be able to think of chocolate the same again…
Ok. Hi, guys.
Usually, when I’m being hit on I just smile and nod. This works for me because I don’t know how to respond. It’s embarrassing! What are people supposed to say to that chocolate comment anyway! “Oh well, I’m not really one for sweet things”… No. That’s just asking for a more perverse conversation. Believe me I know, because I did say something like that to this man, The Chocolate Deviant, and he seemed more offended with my response than I was with his question.
So, I’ll just stick to my guns. Smile and nod until I figure out a better way to respond. Usually, I make out ok. But what has grown to bother me is at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I won. That I didn’t do or say enough. A man who feels obligated to speak inappropriately to a woman is a disgrace and should be put in his place. Or should be left feeling so uncomfortable that he doesn’t know what to do besides smile, nod, and walk off. The discomfort that was felt on my behalf, should also be displaced back onto him.
So how does one do this? Comebacks? Possibly.
I can never EVER think of a good comeback; or if I do, then it’s always hours later after retelling the story to my friends. I know I’m not the only person that seems to figure out the right words when it’s too late; and I’m most certainly not the first person who’s experienced these awkward run-ins…I hope. I’m sure there are men out there who have also felt verbally violated by a thirsty ratchet female too. So I ask everyone, what is going on people? This issue is getting out of hand and I need to learn how to deflect them!
Typically, I can spot a trollop approaching my vicinity. I mean, they aren’t really trying to hide their intentions either. If a man is staring you up and down, biting his lip and saying “Mmm, Girl”, it’s probably fair to say he’s wanting your lady lumps and doesn’t care who knows. So, if they don’t care how ridiculous he/she looks; then help them out! Make sure they leave the conversation feeling like a total degenerate.
This is what I need from you. I’m on a mission to rid the world of Perversion, one shameless hombre at a time. And, with our powers combined I think we can make this happen. If not, we’ll at least get a good laugh out of turning them into clowns.
Leave a comment or email me (theclumsytypist@gmail.com), and tell me about your awkward encounters. The most hilarious ones will be made into comic strips. Here’s mine. I made two, the first is how it typically goes down for me in these situations, and the second is what I wish would happen. Hopefully, one day with enough mental cheat codes and clever comebacks, I’ll no longer have to quietly dismiss these fools. Hope you enjoy!
*I want to thank my friend, George, for being a good sport and acting out this little project with me. 
These kinds of creatures have been here since the beginning of time my dear daughter. There isn’t much you can say because even responding to them with kindness and the right words or in verbal cleverness just doesn’t matter to them, and even if you came out verbally abusive all that puts fuel to the fire. If you can remember a scripture and use that perhaps that would make their ding ding soft and put their brain into shock.
They truly think they have it like that, that they look so great that everyone wants them, that you are so lonely and in need of a creep that they assume you dig them as much as they are pretending that they dig you. You see my dear they only pretend, because if a woman comes out hard and strong on their level the majority of those fools wouldn’t know which way to run. If you would bring out their lust by pointing out their good qualities (if they have any) and then drop the boom by bring out their physical faults they would not like that like when you said, “Oh well, I’m not really one for sweet things”… Which is the right response in my view. You see I have had that problem since my youth and even now at my age. Some think I should feel flattered, I say, “what the f@#% about?” They down grade with their verbal assault’s, and when you respond they then try to bring you down.
Your beautiful my dear, and they just are not as clever or intelligent as you, and so that is the best they can come out and say. Don’t be afraid to describe what your feeling you are within your rights to defend yourself, you are verbally being assaulted. You know I don’t mind locking up ass holes.
So before they go any further, you need to know that there are laws against such perversion, and their is nothing wrong with educating them with that. If you say nothing and let it go, they will come back they might even wait for you when your shift is over. What I have done and said I can not repeat it here, but what I have done is ( in so many words) is “GET OUT OF MY FACE!” and if you don’t my finger is on 911 and I will have you arrested in an instant or, just walk away instead of listening and call your manager. You my dear is not there to attract men, you are working for that place and you have rights. You are not working the streets, so don’t play in their field. Love you Mommy, your Mom.
This is pretty funny.
LOL “You want some gummies?” is a pretty thorough comeback. That’s why I don’t spit game! I just remain me and hope someone likes what they see.
Hahaha, that is so true, what do you say to them…I just smile and laugh awkwardly, and walk away as fast as possible. I like the comic, at least he used weight watcher’s chocolate (: love it!
I hope every chocolate deviant reads this, cause Ms. Meow is fierce and getting fiercer as she sees the problem & tries to clean it up !! When you told me about this situation I knew you would SOON !! write it down and develop some clarity on how to better next time, to shut him down ! Don”t be afraid to make yourself stronger & in control . You are worth all the gold in Fort Knox and no one is worthy of your ” time ” unless YOU choose for them to be worthy Love your energy and am enjoying watching your growth. You keep this up & someone of importance will notice. : )